Today I’m releasing Absolve Me, a song I wrote while in mourning and transition in 2016 (Listen on Apple Music, iTunes, Spotify, Deezer, Bandcamp, Soundcloud.
The transition was my departure from Kindara, the women’s health company I founded and ran from 2009 - 2016.
I started Kindara because I had a beautiful experience learning fertility charting with Kati, and I wanted to give that same experience to other women and men through technology. I wanted to make the world a better place for women and their partners.
And like so many people on a mission, I think there was also a dark tinge to my obsessional devotion to make Kindara successful: at some level I was also trying to redeem myself from childhood wounds and low self esteem.
So for these reasons and more, my departure from Kindara was not smooth. Lots of people made mistakes (including some massive ones by me) and relationships among the team and board broke down.
My beautiful vision became a nightmare of in-fighting and finger pointing.
People wanted me out and in an attempt to keep Kindara healthy, I decided to step away. We hired a new CEO and I went to Bali.
The feeling for me was as if I had accidentally hurt my child who was now in hospital, but I wasn’t allowed to visit. My heart hurt every day. I felt confused, despondent and angry, with a faint hope mixed in from time to time.
The fate of my dream was uncertain, and it seemed like I needed to let go of blaming myself for what happened.
So I wrote Absolve Me. I remember screaming the chorus into the studio microphone in Bali. The session was cathartic. I remember feeling the guilt and blame I was carrying melt away.
I recorded the guitalele solo back here in Boulder in 2018 shortly after Kindara sold. I was crying as I played it: The sale was bittersweet and I guess there was more emotion that wanted to come out.
The process of absolving myself for mistakes I made in the past has been a healing one.
Now that I’ve mostly forgiven myself for the mistakes I made at Kindara. I feel wiser, more resilient, and more myself.
I’m reminded of the quote “Good judgement comes from experience. And experience come from bad judgement.”
If you have something you want or need to let go of, I hope this song helps.
Click here to listen to Absolve Me on Spotify, Apple, Bandcamp or Soundcloud
