This weekend we’re stepping into something sacred. Join us on Nov 8th at Monarch Music Ranch to explore the many faces of grief together.
Deets here: Grief Is Love Tickets
We made a mini- movie about Ecstatic Dance
If you don’t know about ecstatic dance, it’s a fast growing movement accross the world of people who are seeking a safe place to express themselves through dance. Here in Nashville we have Ecstatic Dance Nashville, and there are similar ecstatic dance communities in major cities all over the world. Humans are dancers.
I’ve been DJ’ing ecstatic dances for years, but a couple years ago after moving to Nashville and playing with some of the best musicians on the globe,I felt inspired to see what it would be like to play ecstatic dances with a live band. We organized a handful of shows and they have all been fantastically rewarding and full of energy.
As we were putting the first one together, we decided to make a mini movie about the experience. Please watch and enjoy.
Some Funk for ya
Well folks I’ve found a new love: playing improvised funky dance music.
Actually this isn’t so new of a love. I remember when I first got my electric guitar and would spend hours playing along to Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn. This music opened me up and it’s doing it again.
We played a funk show at Fresh Thymes in Boulder this summer and I was reconnected to this joyful funky energy. Here’s some recordings from the show for your listening pleasure:
This was our improvised encore, which I think was the best tune of the night:
An original called Modulated:
Another original called The Big Dream (coming out soon):
And another original called Arbitrage (April Feels):
And finally a Herbie Hancock cover, not once but twice :)
New Release - Push & Pull
Today I’m releasing Push & Pull, a love song about attachment theory. Listen on Spotify or Soundcloud or Apple Music.
Here’s the story of this track:
Sometimes I read a book and it seems like the author lives inside my head.
Reading “Attached” was one such experience.
Attached is about attachment theory - A field of study that concerns itself with how people behave in romantic and intimate relationships.
Specifically it deals with different patterns of attachment between parents and their children, and how these patterns of attachment tend to play out later in our romantic relationships.
I was fascinated by this book. It explained so much about how I tend to be in romantic relationships, and it explained the prevailing dynamic between Kati and I over the first 5 years of our relationship.
Attachment theory defines a few flavors of attachment: Avoidant, Anxious and Secure.
Avoidant people tend to want more space in relationship. They tend to feel smothered, and try to move away from their partner. (Often but not always this is due to early childhood enmeshment by their opposite sex parent if they are heterosexual, or the same sex parent if they are homosexual).
If you had an opposite sex parent who was in your business as a kid, it’s more likely you’ll end up avoidant in relationship later in life.
Conversely, Anxious people tend to want more closeness in relationship. They tend to feel abandoned and try to move closer to their partner. (Often this is due to early childhood abandonment by the opposite sex parent if heterosexual or same sex parent if homosexual)
If you had an opposite sex parent who was never around as a kid, it’s more likely you’ll end up anxious in relationship later in life.
And the last attachment flavor is Secure. Secure people tend to be able to withstand both closeness and distance. This of course is the healthy flavor of attachment. And Levine and Heller say about 50% of the population are secure.
And for those of us who identify as more anxious or avoidant, the way to become secure (according to the book) is to i) be available for your partner, ii) don’t interfere (ie. smother) your partner, and iii) support and encourage your partner.
Secure sounds nice, but in reading the book I definitely identified more with the avoidant attachment style. And Kati identified with the anxious attachment style.
I was surprised to read that avoidant and anxious people tend to gravitate towards each other, as a way to endlessly relive (in the worst case) or heal (in the best case) their childhood attachment injuries.
There’s even a diagram in the book that shows the drama circle that anxious and avoidant couples go around over and over again if they don’t become secure. I read Attached in 2016 and the book perfectly described Kati and my dynamic at that time.
Anyway, reading this book helped me to see that my avoidant tendencies weren’t actually part of ME, they were a result of my experiences growing up. And I saw how destructive they were in my life.
After I finished Attached I vowed to myself to become secure, and that kicked off a multi-year quest that continues to this day.
Push & Pull is a song I wrote for Kati before I left for Bali in 2016. I wanted to bring some peace and hope to our relationship by identifying our avoidant-anxious dynamic, and painting a picture of what it would be like on the other side if we were both able to become secure.
(Actually, Levine and Heller say only ONE partner needs to be secure to stamp out the drama cycle and I found that encouraging!)
So Push & Pull is a song about attachment theory. It’s a song about Kati and my relationship. And it’s a song about my relationship to relationships, and my desire to change.
And I imagine it’s a song that will resonate in any relationships where one person tends to feel more avoidant and one person tends to feel more anxious.
And at a deeper level it’s a song about preserving and honoring love. If avoidant people can heal themselves and enjoy closeness, and anxious people can heal themselves and enjoy distance, love has a greater chance to flourish.
I hope you like Push & Pull ❤️
P.S. Check out the awesome album art by Kati (@astraltranscription):
Song Credits:
Written, Performed and Produced by William Sage at Red Robin Studios (Boulder) & Soma Sound Studio (Bali). Engineer & Mixing Engineer: Stef Soma.
Note: You can find the chords and lyrics to this song here.
Push & Pull by William Sage - Chords and Lyrics
Thanks to @astraltranscription for this amazing album art. Made specifically for this song.
Note: you can read the story of this song here.
Verse 1
C G F C G F
I used to push you away, Push and push every day
Am F Am F
It was the air that I breathed, too scared to have you see
G Dm F C
How much, just how much you meant, to me.
Verse 2
C G F C G F
It used to be when you’d pull It’d be intolerable
Am F Am F
And I’d push to keep some space, Trying to feel safe
G Dm F C
It was the dance, yeah the dance, of our love
Chorus
Am F Am F G
But if I keep pushing you, Like I pushed the other few I’ll end up old and alone
Am F Am F G
And if you keep pulling me So hard, the door’s all I can see I’ll end up old and alone
Dm G Am F G
Better to open up my heart, Let you in and make another start, so I don’t end up old and alone
Dm G Am F G
Cause to truly love you my dear I’ll pull you close and stay right here Sublimate my fear into love
Dm F G C
Cause anything else, would be a crime, Against our love
Verse 3
And once I stopped with the push, You stopped with the pull. And now we’re right where we are, Connected by the heart. I want to be, your forever, sweetheart
Chorus 2
I’m done pushing you, like I pushed the other few, let’s grow old you’re my home
And if you stop pulling me, I’ll shut the door and never leave. Let’s grow old, I’m your home
It’s better living with an open heart, we can always make another start, let’s grow old, you’re my home
Cause to truly love you my dear I’ll pull you close and stay right here Sublimate my fear into love
Cause anything else, would be a crime, Against our love
Final Verse
I’ll show you all of me, sweet parts only you have seen. Give you the keys to my heart, tell you what I need. Love and build, from now till we’re 150
New Release - Depth - An Album To Journey To
Hi Friends,
One night last October my friend Bjorn came over to jam in my studio. I was in an emotional place, feeling generally disconnected from humanity and from myself. Bjorn seemed in a similar state.
We talked a bit, set up some mics, hit record and started to play.
What happened next was a bit of magic. As we started to improvise and converse, the music seemed to flow out of us. I felt Bjorn, and I think he felt me. We consoled each other, supported each other, held each other, all without words as 4 songs came into being in the moment.
We conversed for about an hour and then Bjorn had to go home so I stopped the recording, gave him a hug and walked him out. Though we didn’t say much to each other, I felt healed somehow.
When I got back to my studio to shut things down I listened to what we had recorded and was delighted. The emotion and connection that I had felt as we played had been captured in the recording.
I did some quick editing and sent the tracks to Bjorn to listen to. He loved them too so we decided to release them as an EP.
We decided to call the EP Depth to capture the feeling of going “in and down” that we both felt during the session.
The 4 tracks on Depth were improvised in the moment. They were born out of our presence and mutual desire to heal and support each other on October 3rd 2018.
Kati and I have been listening and enjoying Depth for the past few months when studying, meditating or journeying.
This music is healing for me and I hope it is for you too.
Would love to hear about your experience listening to this EP
Listen to Depth on:
New Release - You Love The Hardest
Hi Friends,
Today I’m announcing the release of You Love The Hardest - a sweet love song with a dark tinge*
(*All will be revealed later as I tell the story of this album).
What I will reveal here is that I wrote You Love The Hardest while my partner Kati was simultaneously in a romantic relationship with me and another man. Read on to learn more.
A few weeks ago I told the story of Forever - a song I wrote half in Boulder and half in Bali.
The next three songs are prequels to Forever. They tell the story of the 12 months leading up to my decision to go on solo retreat to the other side of the world.
The first of these three prequels is You Love The Hardest. It’s a love song about the transformation I experienced (and continue to experience) under the (sometimes blinding) light of Kati’s love.
Here’s the story:
We met him at a party in 2015 and instantly became friends. Kati and him connected over art and became closer that spring. He was smart, funny, respectful and I liked that Kati had found a new friend.
We had been practicing ethical non-monogamy for a few years at that point, so while I didn’t expect it, I was open to their friendship developing into something more.
That winter I went away on a ski trip and got a text from Kati that her and her friend had gone to a party together and ended up hooking up.
As I usually felt when I (infrequently) got this type of text message, I experienced a mix of emotions: happiness and excitement for her (called compersion in the poly community) mixed with the usual worry, jealousy and insecurity.
I texted her back and thanked her for letting me know.
Little did I know that this was the start of a massive unfolding that would lead to profound internal transformation for us both...
Over the next few months, Kati and our friend “fell in love”.
(Note: I say “fell in love” knowing full well that this phrase needs serious unpacking in our culture.
The best book I’ve read on this is Getting The Love You Want - spoiler: “falling in love” is largely a chemical/hormonal process that generally lasts 6-18 months, and is followed by other stages of romance and partnership)
Anyway, this was intense for me and my heart. It wasn’t the first time Kati had connected with another man (there was another similar situation a few years earlier with a man who lived in a different city - but that only lasted a few months).
But this time was harder because the other guy was local, and the energy seemed more fiery and intense.
And this time we had done our homework: reading The Ethical Slut, Opening Up, and the absolutely beautiful (and highly recommended) More Than Two.
This time we had a model for what to do and how to make it work.
As a result I felt simultaneously happy for Kati (who seemed to be absolutely lit up by the abundance of love and male attention in her life) and threatened by her new connection.
I shared my insecurity with Kati and she did an amazing job of holding my feelings and reassuring me that she wasn’t going to leave me for this new guy, and that she wanted to stay married to me.
I remember those reassurances (which I asked for many times) being super important to me at the time. Over many months they were my lifeboat on my personal sea of insecurity and worry.
So with my reassurances in hand I did my best to embrace the situation. Ethical non-monogamy is something that made sense to me as a boy and still makes sense to me today. And this seemed to be my opportunity to experience what it was like to be in love with somebody, who is also in a relationship with somebody else.
I embraced my happiness for Kati and I also embraced the feelings that didn’t feel good: insecurity, jealousy, worry.
And I embraced the uncertainty of it all. After all, we didn’t know what was going to happen. Would Kati’s new feelings last for a few months or for the rest of our lives?
I looked at it like this: My beloved seemed happy and I had two options, I could get jealous and prioritize my insecurity over her happiness, or I could celebrate her happiness and process my insecurity.
I decided to prioritize her happiness and sit with my insecurity in the hopes that it would be a fruitful experience.
I remember needing to constantly remind myself that I could muster enough self-love and self reassurance to do this. That Kati seemingly falling in love with someone else didn’t mean anything about me. That she wasn’t going to leave me, that she still loved me, and that I still loved me.
It was exciting and unsettling. There was a feeling that we were playing with fire and I wanted to see if we were skilled enough to avoid getting burned.
When Kati and her friend would go on dates, go away for the weekend together, or chat over FaceTime, I felt a lot of feelings.
The main feeling I remember was a pain in my heart. Was it heartbreak? I’m not sure.
It actually felt like my heart was growing.
It was a bizarre sensation. It was as if my heart needed to be bigger for me to handle this situation, bigger than the space it already occupied in my chest.
I’d describe the sensation as a feeling of “opening”, “expanding”, “ripping”, “bulging” or “unfurling”. Like what the chrysalis must feel when something new starts to emerge.
It definitely didn’t feel good (more like there was a sword through my heart from the back), but it also wasn’t all bad. It felt like something was recombobulating or reformulating in a bigger stronger configuration.
Was it armoring? Was it opening? It felt more like the latter.
I’ll never forget that feeling. It was unexpected and profound. Stretched over a number of months, it was one of the most intense experiences of my life so far.
At some point I realized that my heart had to get bigger in order for me to handle the situation I was in. I needed more self love than I had at the time.
I had to love myself so hard through this process. I was forced to deal with the parts of my identity that relied on my relationship with Kati to feel good about myself. I was forced to deal with what felt like abandonment fears from early childhood.
It wasn’t easy but ultimately over a handful of months, out of sheer necessity, I found a new bedrock of self-love that I had never before been in contact with.
This experience forced me to forge a deeper relationship with myself. I had my own back in a new and deeper way.
I ultimately found that facing my fears and deepening into a new level of self love was the gift of this experience.
Maybe that’s why my heart felt like it was growing.
So back to this song:
That spring Kati and I attended a camp-out in the mountains with some friends. We had a beautiful night together. I felt deeply connected with her. We laughed and danced and stayed up all night. We made love sweetly in our tent as the sun rose, staring into each other eyes.
That night I felt Kati’s love fully focussed on me: supporting me, lifting me up, celebrating me.
From my perspective, she was in love with someone else, and she was clearly in love with me. That night, I felt her love calling me into a deeper level of love with myself, calling on me to grow so that we could grow.
A few hours later I climbed out of the tent in the early morning light. I clambered up on a rock overlooking the valley and wrote “You Love The Hardest”. It’s an ode to the power of love to transform us in unexpected ways.
I hope you like it.
P.S. In case you are wondering what happened next, it’s a long story that I’ll tell as I release the tracks from this album. Next one coming in a couple weeks.
Click below to listen to Forever on your favorite music service (and please subscribe as it helps more people hear my music and you’ll be notified when the next track comes out):
If you’d like to learn You Love The Hardest and play it for your sweetheart, here’s the chords and lyrics
Thanks for reading - The next track and the next chapter in this story are coming in a couple weeks.
—
Song Credits:
Written, Performed and Produced by William Sage at Red Robin Studios (Boulder) & Soma Sound Studio (Bali). Engineer & Mixing Engineer: Stef Soma.
You Love The Hardest by William Sage - Chords & Lyrics
Note: To read the story of this song, click here.
Capo on the 5th fret
<Intro> E F# A E E F# A E
Verse 1
E F# A E E F# A E
I’m so high on your love. Lucky guys can’t get enough
Softness washes over my reality, Kindness kisses my heart when you’re with me, because
Chorus
C#m A E C#m A B
You love the hardest. You love the hardest, I’ve ever known
Verse 2
E F# A E E F# A E
Your soft light, I drink it in. Gives me the power to begin
I’m the earth, the sea, and the sky, You’re the sun, washing over this guy, because
Chorus
C#m A E C#m A B
You love the hardest. You love the hardest, I’ve ever known
<Interlude>
E F# A E E F# A E
C#m A E C#m A B
Verse 3
E F# A E E F# A E
You showed me a new world, shining from within. Now I can fly, you broke me open
I’ll follow you into the dark, when we are gone, I’ll find you like before, you are the one, because
Chorus
C#m A E C#m A B
You love the hardest, You love the hardest. because...
You love the hardest, You love the hardest, hardest I’ll ever know
Note: To read the story of this song, click here.
Song Credits:
Written, Performed and Produced by William Sage at Red Robin Studios (Boulder) & Soma Sound Studio (Bali). Engineer & Mixing Engineer: Stef Soma.
New Release: Forever - A (Timely) Love Song
Hi Friends,
Today I’m releasing Forever. The first single off my forthcoming album “You & Me”.
Here’s the story of this song:
In December 2016 I decided to buy a one-way ticket and go on solo retreat to Bali. I was feeling stuck in Boulder and wanted to be alone; get some perspective on my life.
Though I had been internally planning the trip for months, I sort of sprung the details, including my departure date, on Kati one afternoon as I was leaving the house.
(Note to men in relationships: This is not a good idea. Don’t do this.)
She was heartbroken. She seemed to take it personally and was worried that I might never come back. We had lots of heated discussions about it.
(Looking back this was the beginning of a huge shift in how we both understood and behaved in relationship. I’ll tell that story as I release the next few songs from this album).
Given the turmoil, I wanted to give something to Kati to help her feel, deep in her bones, that I was devoted to her and devoted to our love.
I was going to be on the other side of the world for a while, so I wanted her to have a song to listen to that would help her feel secure and soothed. I wanted her to know that she’s my beloved on a macro level: a level bigger than just a few months apart. I wanted her to know she’s my beloved on the scale of my entire life. I wanted her to feel the deep permanency of my love.
With that intention I wrote the first few verses of Forever.
As I got deeper into the song, my departure date for Bali arrived. And I flew away from Kati to a far off land.
A week or so later I arrived at my secluded bungalow on the North shore of Bali. I started working on Forever again.
Now separated from Kati, the song took on a wistful quality as I played with the concept of forever. I realized that forever is an illusion. It sounds like a long time, but in reality there is no forever in human affairs. Things are constantly changing - sometimes suddenly due to forces outside our control. And we all die.
It sunk in for me that Kati and I don’t have forever, we only have (at most) her forever or my forever. And neither of us knows how long that will be.
And what is her forever or my forever but a collection of fleeting, unique and precious moments together. A series of ‘right nows’, once gone, gone forever.
And so this song has become for me a duality: It’s a love song that speaks to my desire for a long and happy life with Kati, but even more so it’s a sweet battle cry to cherish and savor each and every precious moment I get with my beloved.
It’s my reminder that life is short: Too short to squabble or fight, too short to try to be right, to short to take for granted.
This lesson is even more real given that the last two years didn’t go as smoothly as I thought they would when I flew to Bali. Kati and I ended up separated and things got messy.
I’ll tell that story as I release more tracks.
But today we’re back living together and celebrating a year back together. And I’m feeling excited and happy to be releasing Forever. It’s a reminder to bring my love to the moments I have with Kati, because I actually can’t know when our forever will end.
I love you sweetheart.
I hope you like this song, and I hope someone out there plays it for their sweetheart and tells me about it. That would make my day.
(Also thank you Kati - aka @astraltranscription - for being my muse, and for creating the jaw dropping art that made this album art and music video possible).
Click below to listen to Forever on your favorite music service (and please subscribe as it helps more people hear my music and you’ll be notified when the next track comes out):
If you’d like to learn Forever and play it for your sweetheart, here’s the chords and lyrics
Thanks for reading! The next track and the next chapter in this story are coming in a couple weeks.
Forever by William Sage - Chords & Lyrics
Forever by William Sage. Released Dec 2018 by Fulcrum Music. All Right Reserved.
To read the story of this song click here.
Capo 5th fret
A C#m
I want to love you forever, stay together
D E A
for the next 100 years
A F#m
I want to know what you’re feeling, see what you believe in
D E A
And be there for all of your tears
C#m D E A
Yeah I want to know you babe. Hold you till the day I die
F#m Bm C#m D A
Let’s laugh every day, till the lines form by our eyes
A C#m D E A
Forever, just my forever babe, it’s all that I have to give
F#m Bm C#m D A
Not Forever, just your forever babe, let’s love as long as we live
If I could take all our decades, stretch them sideways,
Fight against the march of time
You know babe I’d do it, I’ll fight to get through it
For you, I’ll fight through it all
Let’s grow old babe, but stay young at heart
When we’re old and grey you’ll still be my sweetheart
Forever, just my forever babe, It's all that I have to give
Not Forever, just your forever babe, let's love each moment we live
<interlude>
Wanna see you so deeply, please reveal me
our insides we’ll roll in a ball
my secrets I’ll tell you, put me under a spell you
are the one that lights up my soul
Yeah I want to see you babe. See you all the way through
The more of your inner shine I see the more I love you.
Forever, just my forever babe, It's all that I have to give
Not forever, just your forever babe, let's love each moment we live
<interlude>
If I could take all our years dear, line 'em up here
take the ends in my hands
I'd take those two ends dear, and stitch them together
so at the end our forever could start again
yeah I'd take those two ends dear, and stitch them together
so at the end our forever could start again ♡
—
Song Credits:
Written, Performed and Produced by William Sage at Red Robin Studios (Boulder) & Soma Sound Studio (Bali). Engineer & Mixing Engineer: Stef Soma.